I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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