So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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