There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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