Where is the hickey?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
