Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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