Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
