I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
