i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
