too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
