im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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