now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
