how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
