I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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