Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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