We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
