So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
