I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
