i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
