this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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