You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
