i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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