How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
vagina is talking i cant
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
