It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
