She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
