the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
