ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
