She's JV to your varsity
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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