Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
