I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
