i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
