I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
