I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
