does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I want to be your penis for a week.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
