Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
