they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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