I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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