fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
