the new term for farting is butt boxing.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
