I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
try to milk me bitch
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
