I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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