My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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