Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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