Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
