You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
