Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
