How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
