I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
