We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
