The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
