I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
