I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
