Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
